Monday, July 30, 2007

We Don't Need No Water!!!

SHERMAN OAKS ADJ., CA - In this weeks installment of ESPN's hit series "The Knights Are Burning" Ryan Brooks returns to the Knights lineup but is it too little to late to rescue this smoldering season? With their latest loss the Knights fall to .500 (8-8) but still have a firm grip on mediocrity and 4th place. The Knights held a closed door meeting after the latest blowout loss, this time at the hands of the last place Asstros.

I, Max Mercy was sneaky enough to slip a microphone in the locker room to record what this meeting could be about and what they could possibly say after losing 8 of their last 12 games.
The mind is a strange thing, men.

We must begin by asking it..."What is losing?"

Losing is a disease...as contagious as polio.

Losing is a disease...as contagious as syphilis.

Losing is a disease...as contagious as bubonic plague...

...attacking one... but infecting all.

But curable.

Now, I want you to imagine...you are on a ship at sea...

...on a vast sea...gently rocking...

Gently rocking...

Gently rocking...


While the Knights attempt to play mind games to stop this skid, it may be too late. The ship that they are on could in fact be the Titanic and management may just be rearranging the deck chairs. But no matter what the name, this ship is sinking...gently sinking...gently sinking...gently sinking...

The Knights prepare for the final month of the regular season. The rough waters continue next week versus the Brewers at Cleveland High School 10 am first pitch.

I'm Max Mercy for The Daily Mirror and I'll see you at the Ballpark.

Monday, July 23, 2007

When the cheering stopped, there were... Eight Men Out.

CULVER CITY, CA - When you talk Knights baseball around the water cooler on Monday mornings. The conversation normally revolves around names such as Nellie, Hurwitz, Sulser or Barber. But these days most conversations start with "Can you believe that..." In the lastest installment of "can you believe that..." The Knights shocked even their most loyal fans by finding a way to have only 8 players at a game.

In case you're not up to date on your baseball rule book. Baseball is a sport played between two teams usually of nine players each. It is a bat-and-ballpitcher throws (pitches) a hard, fist-sized, leather-covered ball toward a batterbat, made of wood (as required in professional baseball) or a variety of other materials (as allowed in many nonprofessional games). A team scores runs only when batting, by advancing its players—primarily via hitscounterclockwise past a series of four markers called bases game in which a on the opposing team. The batter attempts to hit the baseball with a tapered cylindrical arranged at the corners of a ninety-foot square, or "diamond."

Well, the Knights played this game with 8 players. Steve Fike started his first game of the season and would have fared well had it not been for the small inconveniences of NOT HAVING THREE OUTFIELDERS. Even still those Knights who did show up played hard and kept fighting to make sure they could give their few fans something to cheer about. Sadly in the end there was not much to cheer about, the Knights dropped their 2nd game straight and fell into 4th place with an 8-7 record.

I'm sure you're asking yourself - well who was missing? Here is that hallowed list of AWOL Knights:

Erik Barber
Rod Boaz
Ryan Brooks
Austin Hurwitz
Ian McDonald
Peter Nelson
Tony Sulser
Mike Vogel

So once again, the Knights attempt to pick up the pieces of a shattered season this Sunday against a team they have 2 dramatic come from behind victories against the SF Astros. Which team will show up on Sunday? The 15 Knights who fight to the death together or the 8 sheep being led to their slaughter...Tune In Same Time...Same Site next week to find out.

This is Max Mercy and I'll see you at the ballpark.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Knights Fall Prey To Evil Empire

LOS ANGELES, CA - Pete Halvorsen speaks. Hide the children, and valuables, too.

"Yeah, it's an embarrassment for me to be wearing this f -- uniform because of the way I'm playing," Halvorsen said Sunday. "Now go away."

With that, he shooed away the quote-getters and flipped a laundry cart downside up, turning the dirty-clothes-on-wheels into a visual metaphor of the current state of affairs for Halvorsen and the Knights.

Of course, if Halvorsen had handled a few ground balls as surely as he did the clubhouse belongings, maybe the Knights wouldn't have lost for the first time against the Yankees this season. The latest, a loss, dropped the Knights into 2nd place for the 3rd time this season, a hole they will now have to dig themselves out of.

"We couldn't have had a worse start than what we had and we know it," manager Ryan Saul said. "To lose like this here at home ... we're better than this. There's no way that should happen. At this point, we keep fighting and, hopefully, you get ticked off and do something about it." Saul who later mentioned he did all he could connecting on a basehit to right and throwing a runner out at 2nd base, for the second time this season as he was quick to remind the press.

"It's been a tough few games for him, there's no getting around it," Saul said of Halvorsen. "I know his arm has been hurting him, but he won't let that be an excuse."

Don't think Halvorsen is sinking this ship alone. It merely looked that way as he booted one ball and threw another one away in the first inning.

Truth is, most everyone is finding ways to botch it when at-bats matter most. The Knights left 11 men on base and never truly looked like they were ready to attack the Yankees like the two previous victories. The Knights beat Singleton back in May but were unable to put together a solid rally.

Even starter Rod Boaz got dragged into the mess, giving up 8 earned runs in 3 innings to undo a personal three-game win streak.

"No one's happy about the way we're playing, including ourselves," first baseman Kevin Murkey said. "I think we've been ticked off for a while. It's not like the schedule's going to get any easier for us."

Leading All-Star vote getter Jonathan Williams sounded more optimistic about life "One thing you learn when you are 1,000 leagues under the sea Max...there's no where to go but up." I asked Williams to elaborate he got a crazed look in his eye and stepped up on his chair "Do you have a dorsal fin? To train ze dolphin you must zink like ze dolphin! You must be getting inside ze dolphin's head. I am saying to Snowflake, "Akay!... Akay Akay Akay?" und he is saying "AKay Akay!" und he is up on ze tail "Eeeeeeeeee!" und you can quote him! "

To quote Homer Simpson "Before, Before...Quit living in the past Marge." The Knights will now look forward and hope to get back on track and stop their win-lose-win-lose-win-lose pattern.

Looking forward the Knights will play the Cubs this Sunday @ 10 AM.

I leave you with this...



I'm Max Mercy and I'll see YOU at the ball park.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Jonathan Williams Leads All-Star Voting, Barber Cuts It Close Behind...

LOS ANGELES, CA - Jonathan Williams the soft-spoken giant has a loud voice when it comes to the all-star voting. The 6'5 switch-hitter has taken a commanding lead receiving over 50% of the votes cast in the first week. Williams (pictured talking to a cute blond in the stands during a game) has been a fan favorite since he started with the Knights back in 2004. Always the first one at the ball park and the last to leave, making sure he signs ever last autograph for Knight fans. I tried to get a hold of Jonathan to get a comment about this great show of his popularity, but was told by his people that he was attempting to "Find Nemo" off the coast of Baja. It turns out Williams is a Knight by Day and a Marine Biologist by Night. As if Williams needed more fans he now will no doubt receive the "Live Earth" vote after word gets out. While the Knights have a few players who like to think they "swim with Sharks" in Hollywood. Jonathan Williams actually DOES, which may be a reason that when it comes to fan appreciation, he's top of the list. While his stats may not reflect his contribution to the team, real Knights fans understand what Williams brings to the team, consistency, a great smile and a love of marine life.


Coming in a distant 2nd with 29% of the votes so far is Erik Barber.
(Photo Courtesy Of The UnOfficial 'Erik Barber Is My Cowboy' Website)

Barber feels as the new guy on the team, the fans just haven't had a chance to get to know him yet. "Give me some time Max, I'll win them over and then you'll be looking at the #1 Vote getter." Erik is known best for his freestyle rapping ability and his amazing fashion sense. His album "drops" later this year and we'll be sure to link to it or at least get a bootleg copy to post on the site.

WHAT ARE THE KNIGHTS UP TO OFF THE FIELD?
Catcher Colyn Van Buren has no comment on the latest rumor that he was seen working out with Kevin Murkey this last week at Crunch on Sunset.

If you'll remember Murkey and Van Buren had their best season last year when they were on a strict eating and workout plan together. They were BFF 4 EVER...maybe they are trying to recapture lightning in a bottle.

When I tried to reach Murkey for a comment he quickly hung up the phone.




Knights Outfielder Mike Vogel is off filming his latest scary movie...the trailer for Cloverfield can be seen here. http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/11808/ Vogel was last seen gasping for air in the Poiseiden Adventure remake..."Poiseidon". Vogel should make his triumphant return to the Knights sometime in late August.

Monday, July 9, 2007

In Rod We Trust

CARSON, CA - With a flare for the dramatic starting pitcher Rod Boaz waited until Saturday evening to call trainer Stan Turner and tell him his Heel felt good enough to give it a shot. Turner thought it was a joke at first, but Boaz told him he was 100% serious. So still with a noticeable limp, Boaz made his way out to the mound to the joy of the hometown Knights fans.

Boaz put his team first and despite his severe injury the 2 weeks before he was able too look like a new version of Boaz of old from the first pitch. Boaz 2.0 as he now wants to be known was focused to get the Knights back on track. Boaz struck out 4 of the first 5 batters he faced, untimately going 6 innings allowing 3 hits and 0 earned runs. Boaz did walk 6 batters, but got himself out of bases loaded jams with big pitches both times. The first bases loaded jam was created by Shortstop Pete Halvorsen on consecutive errors, but Boaz had his shortstops back shutting down the threat getting back to back outs and not allowing a run to score. Halvorsen returned the favor two innings later with 1 out and the bases loaded snagging a ground ball up the middle and turning a 6-3 double play ending another Storm threat.

Click On Murkules Face For His Intro Music

The great performance by Rod Boaz was not to be outdone by Kevin Murkey who no doubt wanted to see his name in print as well. Murkey has been battling injuries of his own from his two-sport days of playing in the now defunct NFL - Europe and spending his off season with the Knights. Those days are behind him, but the injuries remain. Murkey tossed a season high 3 Innings allowing only 2 hits and striking out 5. Game Over indeed.

Murkules did get some help from his good pal and Centerfielder Steve Fike who is making Web Gems look routine these days. With a runner on 2nd and 0 outs, Fike dashed 20 yards onto the right centerfield warning track and snagged a sure run scoring double over his shoulder. This excited rightfielder Austin Hurwitz so much that he made a Howard Dean like scream.

Listen To The Baseball Tonight Guys Discuss Fike's Web Gem and the Greatest Web Gems Of All Time

The Knights offense was focused and determined to score more than the 3 runs they barely managed against the Storm the last time they faced them. Both Austin Hurwitz and Erik Barber continued their hot hitting knocking in 2 runs a piece.
While leadoff hitter Pete Halvorsen took advantage of 3 walks scoring 3 times. Steve Fike felt comfortable at the plate also, going 3-4 on the day solidifying his spot in the number two hole. The McDonald brothers Ian and Brendan manned the right side of the infield and also picked up 1 hit a piece continuing to forge new ground becoming the first Knight siblings to reach base in the same inning.

After losing 18-3 to the Storm back in June the Knights put together a well played game winning 6-1 and staying tied for first with the LA Yankees, who they meet this week at 0830 in Glendale at Stengel Field.

The Knights All-Star Balloting is now open, you can view your Knights and their Stats below and make your vote on the upper left hand portion of this page.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Where do the Knights go from here? Rumor Mill...

Los Angeles, CA - The Knights season took a sharp turn for the worse recently when it was revealed after Sunday's loss that the Knights would be without Tony Sulser till August 25th and Rod Boaz through the rest of the season. In a press conference late Thursday afternoon it was learned that the Knights have been in contact with former Knights and also are looking abroad at the possibility of bringing in a Japanese pitcher from the Yokomura league which the Knights have strong ties too.

But the most recent development has been that of Josh Eveland. Nicknamed the "Unit" for his height and likeness to Randy Johnson, Eveland has come close to playing for the Knights in the past but when the front office and his agent couldn't come to an agreement he went elsewhere. The 6'7 hurler has been contacted and it would seem the Knights would have to meet his price as it's no secret they are in dire straights.

More on this as it develops...

UPDATE: The SC Knights news organization has learned that within the last hour Eveland's agent Scott Borass has been contacted and an offer has been made.

Borass' office has no comment.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Knights Bad 5th Inning Turns Into 5th Loss.

CARSON CITY, CA - The shocking loss of the Knights two starting pitchers Tony Sulser and Rod Boaz rocked the Knights clubhouse minutes before game time on Sunday. Sulser, the career leader in wins and strikeouts for the Knights has shocked his fans by deciding to become a Crab Fisherman and will be featured on next seasons Deadliest Catch, if in fact he survives the 2 months in the Behring Sea. Rod Boaz the Knights leading hitter and other starting pitcher aggravated his Achilles Heel and it on the 60 Day DL. We wish him all the best in his recovery.

Sulser pitching in his final game as a Knight for awhile threw a gutsy performance allowing 1 run and 3 hits in the first 4 innings. The Knights took advantage of 2 walks and 5 straight singles in the 3rd knocking the Brewers lefty out of the game. Rightfielder Kevin Murkey drove in 3 runs going 2-3 on the day. But on this dark Sunday in July, the Knights would not be able to hold a 7 run lead. The Brew Crew fought their way back in the 5th inning scoring 7 runs of in their own right taking the lead and never looking back. The Brewers took advantage of a bases loaded routine fly ball to right field by Joe Howard that outfielder Ryan Saul lost in the sun, 2 runs scored and the Brewers offense attack began.

The Knights offense sputtered from the 3rd inning on never getting a runner past 2nd base and going out with a whimper. But as the game came to a close the Knights had to look to the 2nd half of the season and the fact that they were without their 2 starting pitchers, the duo that has
pitched 73 of their 94 innings this year.

The front office of the Knights will be working feverishly into the "Knight" this week attempting to wheel and deal for some pitching. They will be working the waiver wire as well as seeing what players are On The Block looking to find a new team. If you or someone you know has what it takes to be a "Knight" they are looking for a Few Good Men. Contact me, Max Mercy and I'll be sure to pass along your info to the Front Office.

Farewell, El Toro - The Knights fans wish you all the best in your new career as a Crab Fisherman.




Adios Amigo.

The Knights are back at it next week versus the Storm who handed the Knights an embarrassing 18-3 loss last month which started this most recent tailspin. The Knights have played .500 baseball since May 6th.